Reflections

Haven’t been as diligent with blogging about this pregnancy as I was with the twins. This in no way reflects my feelings it’s just that having too little ones to enjoy while working full time and managing to keep a home in order while feeding ourselves the best we can leaves little time for anything else. I do always think about how wonderful it is to be pregnant again and how it truly is a blessing. My body is making something so incredibly amazing that it’s hard for me to even describe how I feel about it. Every change is noticed and appreciated.

With all of that said I’ve also been down on myself for not being as active as I was with the twins. I would love to run and lift weights but that’s not always possible. I try and take walks with the babies as much as possible but it really turns out to only happen on the weekends. Then there’s the weight. One of the midwives I saw the other day told me to watch my weight and to cut back on my carb consumption. I know that I can make better choices and I do when I can but at times nothing appeals other than bread. I also know that she’s basing my weight gain on my pre pregnancy weight. I was 10 pounds lower than I was pre pregnancy with the twins. I know that those 10 lbs would come on automatically once I weaned the twins, which I did about 2-3 months into this pregnancy. So, given that I’m still not at the weight I was at this point with the twins. Anyway, weight is obviously something I think about constantly.

As for the exercising. I received an invitation to go for a night run of our local mountains this upcoming Friday. Two years ago I would have been all over that. It made me a little sad not that I couldn’t go but that I know I couldn’t physically do it and not because of the pregnancy but because I’m not in the physical shape I was two years ago. I miss running. I miss being in great physical shape. However, I LOVE being the best mom to my babies and enjoying every single minute possible with them. They are only this age once and never again. I’ve been blessed with pregnancy again and it may be the last. I’m enjoying the loves of my life and that’s all that matters to me. I LOVE being a mom.

14 weeks, take 2

Wow baby this time sure has flown by. So far so good and I've only had actual morning sickness once! I was feeling nausous for some time but I think it's subsiding. I've felt you move little one! I couldn't believe it but then I felt you again! You're quite active as seen on the ultrasounds. Looks like you Lizzy and Steven made a nice ample space for you to grow in. We've been doing our best to keep you active and your sister and brother and I go for walks whenever we can. We all love you very much little baby.

10 months

The days have been moving too fast. Here we are just two months shy of the twins’ first birthday… So many changes to our lives have occurred.

No one really prepares you for the whirlwind of events that take place while raising babies. I know we’ve all heard the “enjoy it because it goes fast” but really, it’s too fast. We’ve been cautious of enjoying and taking in every single day with the babies, everyday.

Seeing babies grow and change is amazing. Everything else is secondary. Some things that may have seemed important pre-babies are so insignificant it’s comical. Views on life, on people, on oneself, change. Life is centered on these little beings you’ve created.

I know that I have changed. All of my relationships have changed. Some have gotten stronger while others have dissipated. My own actions, or lack thereof, have made me someone you may love, like or altogether wish to remove from your own life. I accept that.

Nonetheless, I am emerging, once again. We finally feel like we know what we’re doing, although I’ve always felt that way. Everything with the babies is instinctual; I just know what to do. The babies have been great teachers to us. The babies have completed us.

Stats

Baby A - Girl
Born on 10/22/09 at 6:12PM
4 weeks - 5 lbs 11 oz, 19"
2 months - 9 lbs, 21"
4 months - 13 lbs 6.6 oz, 25"
6 months - 16 lbs 14 oz, 26 3/4"

Baby B - Boy
Born on 10/22/09 at 6:13PM
4 weeks - 5 lbs 14 oz, 19 1/4"
2 months - 9 lbs 8.8 oz, 22 1/5"
4 months - 14 lbs 6 oz, 26 1/2"
6 months - 18 lbs 6.6 oz, 27 3/4"

7 months

of pure joy!

- Babies are large and in charge of the household. In a good way of course.

- We're still nursing and just started solids. Yeah, we delayed a bit.

- Baby Girl has her daddy, and me, wrapped around her little finger.

- Baby Boy is such a cool little character and so so SO calm and collected.

- They love going for rides in their stroller and we love taking them.

I find that it's very hard for me to leave them on the weekends. Every moment is so precious with them that I don't care to do anything that doesn't include them. Pre-babies I thought for sure I'd never be a mother that couldn't leave her children but alas I am one of said moms. Working fulltime guilt I think. N and I, N mostly, have started to make an effort to go out alone. It is very nice to get that time alone, without the babies. It's just hard at first, lot's of adjustments.

failed

As lame as this may sound I think I've been left tramatized from our birth experience. Not that I hated it or anything just more not what I had planned for. Yes, everyone told me that things don't always go as planned but I can't help but feel like I failed somehow...

I only had three goals, well four during this pregnancy.
1. Keep babies for at least 36 weeks - failed
2. Deliver naturally - failed
3. Maintaing control of weight - accomplished
4. Breastfeed for one year - in process

I managed to get a 50/50 yet I feel like I did something wrong. Why? Doctors have told me that early deliveries like mine aren't rare for multiples. There wasn't anything I did or anthing I could have done to have prevented it. Fortunetly the babies were perfect other than needing 10 days in the NICU for some additional baking time. So why? Why do I still tear up whenever I think of October 22nd... or get a huge lump in my throat whenever I'm on the L&D floor at the hospital... or why I still can't bring myself to watch "The Business of Being Born."

I have two beautiful healthy babies that I can't even begin to explain how much I love. This I am most grateful for. Day by day a little bit of the guilt falls away. Not sure if it will all ever go away though...

October 19-21

So here I was, alone in a birthing room with a scary IV drip, monitors hooked up all on me and time... I wanted, no needed answers about what was going on, what caused this, what's next and what are our options.

The head of the NICU came to see me and explained what would happen to the babies if they were delivered within the next week. Expected NICU time would be necessary, however, he felt that their weights were pretty good and therefore wasn't concerned. Plus with the steroid shots he said their lungs would be fine too. There's more details he went into but the gist was that the babies would not come home with us. This terrified me.

I got visits from the people I love the most and love me: N (of course!), mom, dad, A and Rocky. These people were so vital in keeping me sane. Each one of them constantly made sure I was taken care of and would bring me treats. Also, geefunk kept me company all the time. It was great to be in constant contact with her. She helped me get through some of the most difficult times.

After day two (Oct. 21) we were moved to another room, extended care. It was a waiting game at this point and all meds were removed. Was allowed to shower and go to the restroom on my own. This alone made me feel good and relieved. I had high hopes that I'd be able to carry the twins for at least another week...

It begins...

Monday, 1:45am I woke up to pee and thought boy I must be hot since I felt wet all over. Turns out not all over only bottom. Proceeded to the restroom where I did my business but when I stood up I continued to leak. Um this is not right. Then the vomiting began... Yeah, I knew instantly this was a sign of labor.

I got ready as quiet as possible and woke up N just before I left to let him know I was headed to L&D and not to worry. He needed to be at work in 3 hours and I honestly thought nothing serious of the situation...

Once I arrived at L&D they placed me in a birthing room and hooked me up to monitors and such. Was looked at by Dr. N and she confirmed it was amniotic fluid and quickly did an ultrasound. Both babies were showing no signs of distress, only little black spots in their space that represented lack of fluid.

The nurse gave me a shot of steroids for the babies' lungs in case I delivered later that day. They told me there would be a second round 24 hours later and I asked if I should come in the same time... the nurse practically had a seizure she was laughing so hard. She said that's it I'm here till I deliver those babies...

Babies are here!

I'll post official later, no time now.

We're all doing great. Babies need a few weeks in the NICU but they're doing awesome already!

Baby A Girl - 3 lbs 14.5 oz and 17 inches
Baby B Boy - 4 lbs 11 oz and 17 inches

8 more weeks

Eek! How time has flown by, I know everyone says that but it really has. We've doubled within the week as evidenced below. Guess this means I'm doing a good job, and that's all that really matters. I'm finally starting to feel the effects of the weight though. It all kicked in this week. Went for a walk yesterday and my pelvic bones did a number on me last night. Also, I've been officially banned from xfit, :'(. Walking is all we're left with.

We finally cleared out the babies' room and have their crib set up! Everytime I pass by the room I get goosebumps. Then there was that almost mini freak out I had today at a baby basics class... Good thing I don't like to cry in public. We're now waiting for our completion coupons in order to finish up all our shopping then all we have to do is wait...

Black and gray are my new colors.

31 weeks!

- Started childbirth classes
- Crib is up for sharing
- Baby shower is this Saturday
- Got one name down...
- Lots and lots of kicks and punches from both of you!
- Getting harder and harder to eat and exercise
- Miffy has been licking my belly whenever she gets a chance

Late Twenties

We’re in the last of our twenties kids. Time has really flown by even on the weeks I thought I wasn’t going to get through. Although, relatively speaking I have had a pretty easy pregnancy thus far. No ER or doctor’s office visits other than our routine ones. Sure nausea was unpleasant but reassuring in a sick sort of way. I learned to eat before I even brushed my teeth in order to avoid that vicious vile attack and tried to maintain you two happy with food. Alas, your little growth spurts still bring this on but I’ll take it as long as you two don’t decide to grow into 10 pound babies each.

In our first 20 weeks together I think I may have altered both of you forever, and possibly transferred my short temper into your little blood streams. Really, I can’t imagine a child as grouchy as I was let alone two. Please baby Jesus help us. You each have your own little personalities too. I know what gets you pumping and what makes you happy. CrossFit and walking make you happy, spicy food and jogging not so much.

You are both so very active, even from the very beginning ultrasounds I could see all four limbs moving about like crazy. Hell, one of you would kick the other in the head one week and reverse the next. Sibling rivalry at its best. Sometimes I wonder how you’ll be together as children, teenagers, adults… Then I’m reassured you’ll both love each other more than anyone else ever. This or both your father and I will make you…

I’m so excited we’re in the throes of our seventh month together. Even more that we’re heading up to the majors, the 30’s. People ask if I can’t wait till you’re born and when my response is yes, yes I can and want you two in my belly as long as possible I get blank stares in return. For one, I know where you two are at, at all times. Second, you need to grow some more! I may be carrying around the equivalent of a full term baby but there are two of you and you’re only half baked, hehehe. Third, I don’t want to share you. Yes I said it. I love that I’m the only one that gets to love you and feel you and take care of you. I love that you depend on me and solely me. I love feeling all your little kicks and punches all the time now. I love that nothing can happen to you as long as I’m here to protect you. The next eleven or so weeks will be full of ups and downs I’m sure of it.

I’m so blessed to have you two in my ever expanding belly, two babies, two lives, two loves.

tired

That is all I can say for myself. I know I'm doing too much but like a crack addict can't stop myself! My feet. MY FEET! Oh poor little long feet what have I done to you? You could grill some mean steaks on them they're so damn hot. Ugh, and they're swollen. ::sobs::

To add to it all,I've been window shopping on the internets and found some fabrics I love for baby quilts. Yeah I know, like I don't have enough going on I'm planning on sewing the babies bedding... read that as I'm having my mom sew the bedding but don't tell her that as she's still unaware of it...

79 days

I'm definitely in a parallel between nesting and complete exhaustion. When at home I can't seem to lay/sit down, always moving and doing something. When I'm at work all I want to do is take a nap.

The nausea/ morning sickness has returned. I had prided myself on not getting sick in public other than that one time on the bus... but within the last two weeks I've gotten sick outside our apartment. Then yesterday/this morning I was awoken by the need to well you know... woke up with a very sore throat and empty tummy. We must be going through a growth spurt since my appetite has gone up and I'm sure I have tons of hormones raging through my system.

I did schedule us for the baby basics, tour of hospital/pre-registration and breastfeeding class for myself. The sad thing is that we can't seem to find a birthing class that fits our schedules. I really want/need one of these classes so I'll be doing some more calling around this week.

The nursery is starting up with a paint job this week! YAY!!! Ordering cribs tonight and then getting their dresser sometime this weekend. Finally I can shop for all those diapers that have been giving me nightmares.

Final Trimester

Wow! Today we start week 28 and our final tri. Yikes.

We have an appt. in two weeks and I still have to make an appointment for another detailed ultrasound for growth measurements. The little "braties" have been kicking and punching up a storm and are always moving. My hunger hasn't increased nor have I had any cravings; however, I am starting to feel more and more tired/exhausted. Naps in the day are beginning to be a necessity whether they be for only 15 minutes. This may also have a lot to do with me getting back onto a regular schedule. Work, cooking, Crossfit and stuff in between. In the beginning I was journaling my food but got lazy and stopped. This is something that needs to start up again because I want to know if I need to intake more since I'm feeling so sluggish and weight gain has been pretty minimal (which is great! but normal?).

This week I'm determined to order cribs, schedule baby and breastfeeding classes. Oh, and look into our health insurance options as we may switch to better fit babies.

27 weeks so far...

It’s official, I’m in nesting mode. Very exhausting though since I seem to think I can do all I did prepregnancy now. Between getting Miffy her walks and keeping our place in order there’s still work, cooking, me, and getting things ready for “the braties,” as we so lovingly have deemed the twins.

I have a long list of to-do items all stored in my head but have yet to get to it. Birthing classes, parenting classes, breastfeeding classes, picking out bedding, purchasing cribs, purchasing a bed for us, this list goes on and on and on… The most pressing for me is agreeing on names. N and I have some possibilities but nothing that we’ve really agreed to. I do not want to be at the hospital trying to come up with two names…

Besides all that stuff today is the start of week 27, our final week in the second trimester. Can’t believe how fast this time has come. Only 13 weeks to go at this point! Both babies have really doubled in size within the last few weeks too. Each has their own time to kick, punch and move around. Baby B (on my right) loves to move his little head on the side of my belly whenever I’m eating. Baby A (on my left) has started to punch more and more and she seems to be the most active in the morning while I’m still in bed. These guys need to get on the same schedule before they come out!

100 days to go!

Both babies and mama are doing great. I’ve been getting lots of stuff done, maybe too much, and am now having bouts of exhaustion. There seems to always come a time during the day when I have to lay down, for at least 15 minutes. I figure it must be all the energy I’m putting out plus my body growing two healthy babies. No complaints here on that front.

I had a growth ultrasound last week and an appointment with my doc yesterday. She’s very laid back which I like but also concerned about. She did say the babies are both measuring where they’re supposed to be for their age and are both over 1 ½ pounds each. They’re the size a baby in a single pregnancy is. The doc also noted that as the week’s progress they will begin to stagger in size compared to singletons but that is normal in that there are two of them.

She asked how I was feeling and seemed surprise at how great I really am doing. No complications thus far. Then the dreaded question came up, work… Sounds like she will take me out as soon as anything comes about. At the time she has agreed to let me call the shots on that one but did warn me that most mothers with multiples seem to experience issues at 30 weeks, only four weeks ahead! Also, she is giving baby B till the last day to turn his little body around before she decides on a c-section, phew. That little guy better not be like me and turn his little body into the right direction when the time comes.

Weight gain has been zero since my last appointment, three weeks ago. Again she didn’t seem worried. I think I must have leveled off from out Mexico trip. I am on target for my weight goals and haven’t eaten anything that I’ve regretted. I’m up a little less than half of what my total weight gain should be and I’m over half way till the end. Continuing to work out and getting back on the Zone, even if just for 25% of the time, has helped too.

104 days to go!

What!? OMG I think I'm officially scared...

Colorado

After a great weekend filled with family, friends and sushi (yes that's right) I'm off to Colorado for my last business trip of the year. You have no idea how happy I am about this fact! It really takes a lot out of me traveling a lot, especially leaving N and Miffy. Now add an extra 20 pounds and two babies kicking up a storm. All I can say is can't wait till Friday.

Next week will focus on getting back into routines including xfit... Yikes. We've also started zoning about 50% of the time. Even though I'm on schedule with weight gain and still feel great I am scared of still losing control. Not that I'm over induldging but I'm just waiting for that kick that some women get about food, bad food. Then there's the fact that I'm carrying two little babies. My body needs to maintain strong and steady.

Hopefully I won't get too many unsolicited comments upon my return to the box.

21, 22, 23...

Wow have these last three weeks flown by. Our vacation aka babymoon was amazing! All we did was lounge by the beach and enjoy eachother. Something else that happened = I finally started feeling little flutters! From all over. They started while listening to some live rock en espanol. N swears they love music. I'm sure they do too.

I've been feeling great overall except that I had some really bad back pain a few days ago. My back kept on cramping up on my right side but I think it's back to normal now. No more MS except for Monday but pretty much nonexistant. Still doing my weekly morning hikes up to First Water but have been advised to stop them soon. :'(

We had an appointment and still no gender news. We may just have to wait till these little guys make an appearance in December... They're doing great and all tests have came back nornal which has me ectatic! They are growing up a storm and that means they're healthy as well, the only thing we're concerned about.

At week 21 the duo were each the size of a banana; week 22 the size of small dolls; this week about 8 inches long and just over a pound each. Eek! According to WTEWYE from here on out these little guys are going to start packing on some fat. They'll be twice their weight by week 27.